Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Redefining your perception on Marriage

So many singles just hear that people are getting married and want to do same for the wrong reasons. They do not know what they are getting themselves into. The glamour of the wedding beclouds their judgement and the promise of a happy life ever after propels them to make decisions with their heads and not their hearts. No matter how many marital books you read or marriage seminars you attend, you can never be too prepared for marriage. There's nothing like the real deal, so learn to manage your expectations so that you don't get disappointed. Many singles think that they will be good marriage counselors because of the wealth of knowledge they garnered from books, only to get married and realize that it is easier to assess others than to be assessed. They soon discover the difference between literature and reality.

Many people have painted for themselves, a lovey-dovey picture about marriage portrayed by Rom-Com movies and Romance novels and this make singles fantasize and anticipate a perfect marriage. Romance is a good thing but just before you dive in, stop and ask yourself if you're actually thinking before acting; The reason is because we keep making the same mistakes with our choices and do not learn from the experiences of others. The fact that some people come to social media on wedding anniversaries and write about how good, caring and supportive their spouse had been or how wonderful their marriage had been doesn't mean that it is the true picture; they may be covering up their mess or hiding the scars from salvaged marriages.

Ladies, a man may mistakenly put you in the family way and make you have a baby out of wedlock but that doesn't make him a husband; mistakes happen, learn, move on and don't give up on yourself. Remember, there are many daddies out there but few fathers. Many are simply sperm donors with no accountability whatsoever. Don't allow any man answer your crucial questions with motivational speeches like “I'm young and promising and capable of making you happy” when he doesn't even have a job, incapable of getting one, lacks ideas on how to create one or simply clueless. Security in marriage is not found in men with 6-pack; a well-built man is attractive but a well-built home is long lasting and fulfilling. Don't be a liability looking for accomplished men to attach yourself to for a better future; be a successful single and then accomplish greater things with your spouse.

Gentlemen, many of the hour-glass shaped ladies with long legs and smooth skins in the magazines you drool over are not found in homes but in the photo studios. When you do see them and that’s if you ever do, ask them how long it took them to look that way, how many people helped them look that way and ask their photographers how long it took them to complete their Photoshop. A wife and mother has got no such time; her hands will be rough from cooking your meals and doing your dirty laundry; her body will be battered from bearing your children. So, be careful what you wish for; wife materials are not groomed in public places.  If you're not a proper bachelor, you can hardly become a good husband; If you do not learn how to manage yourself and your resources as a single, you can hardly manage a home. Don’t start a family when you know you cannot provide for the basic needs; it's a shame!

Please don’t get me wrong, no one is perfect; everyone is striving to be the best to their loved ones. We do not have the luxury or the capacity to mold the kind of partner we want; hence the need to look out for who we think is right. Please note that marriage is more about companionship, responsibility, accountability and sacrifice and less about sex, freedom, rings and titles of Mr. and Mrs. Do not marry just to make others happy and live in misery all your life. Do not marry out of pity, I cannot overemphasize this. Do not marry because 99.9% of people believe you're good together. People change every day and marriage exposes everyone with time. People may pretend for years in relationships but in marriage, it takes just few days or months for the reality to set in.

Finally, guard your heart diligently. Do not rush into marriage now only to rush out a couple of months later. Age is a number; it shouldn’t be your number 1 reason for diving in. Study your partner carefully, do not be blinded by love or lust and neglect the details. Look, before marriage, you will be familiar with the big issues; it is the tiny details you overlooked that will do the damage. Do not marry if you're incapable of forgiving your partner. I hear people say marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured; actually, prepare for both. There are so many marital victims out there, don't be one of them and if you are, pray your way out of it. Look before you leap and just like a swimmer, do not dive into a pool that you have not properly assessed its depth; you may end up striking your head at the bottom and the damage may be irreparable.

Thanks for reading this article, please share on your favourite social media by clicking the share button(s) below

Friday, 19 June 2015

Nugget #1: Life; just like a game of Ludo

Did I hear you say "Life is dicey"? Living life is like casting dice in a game of Ludo. A die has different faces but you only need one face to start your game; a six (6). Once you start, you can no longer predict the faces you display when you throw; maybe 1,2,3,4 or 5. You just play with whatever you have whether it moves your token to the finish square safely or it drags along, whether it takes you far or slows you down.

In reality, you don't play this game alone, you play with an opponent and each person takes his/her turn to race the tokens to the finish square smoothly. Sometimes, the race of one of your tokens ends suddenly and is returned back to start from scratch, while some get to the finish square . Some complete their task along the way by getting rid of an opponent's token. Every move you make is a risk because you never know what your opponent is plotting.

Such is life too

Every time you release a token with a 'SIX' indicates that every new chapter of your life starts perfectly.e.g.the day you were born, got married or got a new job, but the journey thereof is so unpredictable. Every move your token makes represents the steps you take as you move along the pages of life. Sometimes it's towards your victory but at other times, it's towards your defeat.

Not every chapter you open ends happily. Most tokens are returned to start from scratch meaning sometimes life hits you so hard that you need to go back and start the journey all over again. When your token makes it to the 'home coloured squares', the player feels safe; when we finally achieve what we desire at the end of the road, it's usually a resting place where no one can get us.

Each player finishes one at a time which means we can't all make it at the same time, some are smarter, some are slower and some cheat to win. To avoid being a loser, you need to acquire the necessary skills needed to outshine your opponent. You need to know and apply the rules of the game and think one step ahead of your contemporaries.

You have to win no matter how complicated it is because you cannot afford to be a loser. No matter how many times your strategy fails, no matter how many times you get knocked out and have to retrace your steps, just keep playing because THE MORE YOU PLAY, THE BETTER YOU GET. 

Friday, 31 October 2014



Excellence is a quality of being outstanding; it is not a trait, hence it cannot be inherited.  There is no one way of achieving excellence academically; it is how you apply the principles governing it that determines the outcome.  Excellence comes with a price, only those who understand its worth can pay for it.  I will like to share with you some tips that can help you in your quest for success; they are relative but I am sure you will find them interesting. 
  • Put God first
God Himself is a God of excellence, no wonder he made all things perfect and endows His children with an excellent spirit.  He has given you all that it takes to succeed at whatever you do, it is just for you to believe and tap into His abundant resources. Do not allow your studies to compete with God’s time in your life because you need Him to sustain and see you through. I understand the place of prayer in your academics but it is not enough; remember that faith without work is dead, play your own part and do your best; pray as if you will never read and read as if you will never pray. 
  • Prioritize
Many people have problems of misplaced priorities because they find it very difficult to order things according to their importance.  You have to understand that your primary reason for being in school is to study in order to come out with good grades that will give you an edge in this highly competitive world; every other thing is secondary such as clubs, associations, parties etc.  How you channel your resources and apportion your time is a function of what your scale of preference is like. If your academics is important to you, you will invest your time, money and energy; you will do anything to get the right materials and textbooks to upgrade you and make you a better student, but if you pay more attention to trivial things; you might soon be on your way to failure. 
  • Set a target
Don’t start your semester without having a sense of direction; if you do not set an achievable target for yourself, you will discover very late that you are studying aimlessly.  Be ambitious and always aspire to be the best because you deserve it; don’t settle for less, believe in yourself, set out plans and develop strategies to accomplish them Setting targets ignite your passion and that is the driving force that will propel you towards excellence.  For example, when I got into college, I was determined to make a First class; even when it seemed difficult, I kept assuring myself I could do it and kept pressing on until I achieved it and today I am sharing my success story.
  • Be disciplined
Discipline is a very essential principle of excellence that is lacking in the lives of so many youths hiding under the shadow of freedom to do anything.  Self discipline is a conscious control over your lifestyle and you need to nurture it because it is one of an achiever’s greatest weapon.  Some students have worn indolence as a robe, nonchalance as a footwear and procrastination as a hat getting dressed to travel the road of shambles; they look into the mirror of stupidity with so much satisfaction and bid their studies goodbye.  They get to the end of the road only to see an ocean of failure; they skilfully dive into it and continue to swim in confusion until they are being swept away by a tide of destruction.  You should be disciplined enough to have a study timetable that guides you like a map in a journey; be punctual for all lectures and complete your assignments without waiting for deadlines; be committed to your study time and you can be sure of remarkable results.
  • Stay focused
I’m not talking about a gaze, I mean conditioning your mind to one important goal you must achieveKnow what you want and go for it with all determination, enthusiasm and optimism.  Distraction can come in any form such as businesses, relationships, friends, families and so on; note that not so many things can travel with you on the way to success; a lot of unwanted baggage have to be dropped because they might slow you down.  There are things that can wait because they will always be there; however if you cannot make sacrifices for your academics, then don’t think about excellence. Excellence is not plucked from a tree or picked on the road; it takes a lot of commitment and discipline to achieve it.  When your eyes are fixed on something, you can hardly miss any detail and even when there are times when you are tempted to shift grounds, return as soon as you acknowledge it because the farther you move away from your goals, the lesser the chances of achieving them.
  • Manage your time
As endless as TIME is, you cannot hold onto it; as the clock ticks and seconds count, you’re getting closer to your end no matter how old you live.  Time management is the act of controlling and organizing events as they are being influenced by time; this has become a skill because many people are guilty of mismanagement.  Even if 24 hours were increased to 48 hours in a day, many will still complain it’s not enough.  There is time for everything; time to admitted and time to graduate, time to study and time to write exams.  Procrastination has eaten deep into the minds of some students such that everything is always for a later date, they start their day without proper planning on how to apportion their time and instead of controlling the events, they end up being controlled by them, they slump into their beds at the end of each wasted day, wake up the next day worthlessly and remain the same.  At the start of each semester, many busy about with frivolities and when exams draw close; they start expecting miracles, rush and muddle up things, write exams ill-prepared and expect fantastic results.  Instead, make a deliberate effort to plan your day, make a list of events and appointments and make sure you are disciplined enough to meet up. Time is a free but non-renewable resource, so spend each moment wisely.
  • Keep the right Company
You are who you move with, there are different kinds of companies you can keep in an academic environment but the choice of those that can make or mar you is entirely yours to make.  Students form cliques for different reasons; to some, it gives them a feeling of importance while for others; it’s a way of being a part of something. 
For good companies, it has to do with mingling with people of similar interests and goals, people of like minds, passion and vision who have excellence as their watch word, people who believe in your dreams and are ready to push you through.  It can be a study group where you exchange ideas, learn and also impart others.  Although you must develop yourself independently, you cannot be an island because the more you share your knowledge, the more you know; don’t be scared of making mistakes, you stand to be corrected but remember that your clique can only help you outside the examination hall, so maximize the moments you share with them. If you ever develop any form of academic apathy, the best thing to do is to talk about it; let people with positive thinking advise you and deliver you from misery.
For bad companies on the other hand, your circle of friends are like viruses that corrupt your mind, becloud your thinking and cause you to lose yourself and your purpose for living.  They lure you into all forms of vices such as drugs, gambling, prostitution, cultism, internet fraud, examination malpractices and so on.  If they determine the kind of life that you lead, so mighty will be your fall and guess what - you will be falling alone; some are in complete jeopardy and are looking for partners in failure.  Quickly identify bad friends and dissociate yourself before you become entangled. Evil and Excellence both start with the letter ‘E’ but they are two separate roads you cannot travel at the same time.
  • Don’t copy others
Carve out your own niche; know what you are capable of doing and the extent you can go.  Be yourself and never try to study like someone else; understand your pattern of learning and develop your style of studying.  Never compare yourself with anyone because people apply principles of success differently; this is what I mean, for example, students in the same class receiving the same lecture under the same condition cannot assimilate at the same rate.  Know your pace, never give up, try to catch up and you will soon be up.  Recognize your time of maximum assimilation, day or night and fix up your study timetable; never follow friends to study when it is very inconvenient for you, you might just be the greatest loser, so be wise.
  • Prepare adequately
Examination is a test designed to measure the academic aptitude of students to ascertain their level of understanding of a particular subject.  Knowing fully that you have to pass it to be promoted to the next level, why won’t you give it your best shot.  Don’t start studying too close to exams, you will only be tasking your brain too hard, denying yourself of enough rest and putting your entire body system in a state of higgledy-piggledy. Information is being stored over time and not spontaneously, no magic will magnetize answers to your brain, so why don’t you make sacrifices, burn the mid night oil, go the extra mile and do your best, stay healthy with a good diet and be punctual for all your exams . You don’t have to cheat if you have played your role well because you will be destroying your image and peradventure you get caught, the consequences are very severe, so beware!

Thanks for reading this article, please share on your favourite social media by clicking the share button(s) below